The Horrific Rise of Motion Controls
Nintendo can go to hell, and they can go to hell and die. They introduced the whole motion controller craze and, to be honest, I hate it. Now, don’t get me wrong, when I saw the Wii-mote I was at first excited and I got a Wii for that reason. After a few months passed and less parties were had, my Wii and its Wii-mote remained untouched. For some god awful reason Microsoft and Sony decided that they needed to jump on this pointless bandwagon. Microsoft and Project Natal is being released further in the future, so lets take a peek at The Playstation Move.
Okay, so I am not going to hide it: I hate the idea of the Sony Move. But I am going to save my hate for it until later; I will have the common decency to run down its features and then go on with my rant. Here are the basics: it vibrates, has a round color changing sphere on the tip, and the standard triangle, circle, X and square buttons. It’s wireless, connects with Bluetooth and can be charged through a USB cable just like a regular controller. The Move has to be used with the Playstation Eye, but have no fear. According to Sony, a Playstation Move, Eye and a game will be bundled together for under $100 bucks. The game is Sony’s version of Wii Sports with better graphics and some more games.
But wait, that’s not all! There is also a Playstation Move Sub-controller that acts like the Wii-mote Nun-chuck. It has a joystick that can be used as the L3 button, as well as the L1 and L2 triggers, a PS button, and the X and circle buttons. The Sub-controller isn’t bundled with the motion controller and it isn’t needed unless you want to play the mainline games that support the Playstation Move, like Socom 4.
So, the PS Eye and the Move with a starter game will go for under a $100, but then hey, ya gotta dish anywhere between $20-$50 bucks more for the Sub-controller, taking you well over $100 bucks to have the whole package. But wait, that’s still not all! Two of the games on the demo disc presented at Sony’s press conference look like they require 2 full Sony Move controllers. Think about this: they are promoting the camera, the controller and a game for under $100. If we guess they will be selling that package for $70 at the lowest, ya still have to dish $20-$50 for the Sub-controller, and then you are going to have to fork over another $30-$60 for another controller to play half the games on the demo disc. Doing the math, if everything is sold at the low end of pricing you’re paying about $120 and if they market it at the higher end it’s closer to $180. This is for something that will probably be forgotten and not have a lot of quality games made for it, much like the Six-Axis.
Those are the specs, and some things that no one is talking about. Now onto what people are talking about: IT LOOKS LIKE A DILDO! And if not a dildo, then definitely A PERSONAL MASSAGER! I mean, come on. It’s ugly and pointless and this motion control fad is pissing me off. I have lived through and tolerated a few different fads: the arcade-zaney-sports-game craze; the Survival Horror Resident Evil Rip Offs (D2 and Blue Stinger Dreamcast fanboys rejoice); hell, I can even stand this new wave of bringing back the co-op games. And ya wanna know why? Because they produced some decent and even some good games. The Resident Evil Rip Offs gave us Parasite Eve and Silent Hill, and Grand Theft Auto clones gave us Saints Row and any other open world game, but Motion Control is nothing more than a parlor trick. It is something that is going to be force fed down gamers throats for a year then forgotten.
Die hard gamers now face a dilemma: stand strong and ignore this fad and deal with the fact that we will probably be forgotten for a while, or succumb and buy the Playstation Move or Project Natal so we can get new games. Motion Control gaming is going to be like 3D TVs: after the parties die down and people realize the games are clunky or just stupid, these things will collect dust. “What about a lightsaber game?” a Star Wars lover might ask. Even a lightsaber game isn’t worth spending this much money on. If you want a lightsaber game, go to a store, buy eight ghetto light-up collapseable swords, invite some friends over, turn off the lights and beat the hell out of each other. It’s much more fun and cheaper and will be used far more then a Sony Move. The bottom line is be prepared to be force fed crap and be prepared to make the call whether or not to buy, because Sony is trying to ride a wave that is already dying in slow motion.